I am sorry to hear about all that. I cant imagine how they must feel. But you are right, God has each and every one of us in his arms.... That is so cool! Its snowing! Its raining here, we have to cross rivers quite often lol!
As for the baptism... I dont really want to write it all over again... cuz it kind of hurts ya know... but this is what I wrote Daddy (a bit revised). And Id like you if you share it on the blog.
The mission, as I have said before, is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it really really hurts. Today, dad wrote me that a wall must be built one brick at a time. and this is what I wrote him back: ¨Dad, this brick has failed to be layed. The baptism fell through. She left the very day of her interview (tuesday) and didnt show back up from Orudo till Saturday night. She just disappeared. And we still dont know why. Its like she doesnt want to see us. Theres always some reason why they arent at home. Or cant talk. I have never felt so exhausted, broken hearted, and out of it in my life. She was ready. I know it. She knows it. And God knows it. But every single time we come so very close... Every time that some one is on the brink of making it into Gods very arms... Something happens. They leave, their husband or father wont let them talk to us any more, or they just disappear. How do you build a wall, when the bricks just fall apart? I wrote in my journal about all that I was feeling... , ¨I came here believing that someone needed me. that God needed me... I was wrong. I feel useless... like a place holder in this area until someone better can come along and do all that I only wish I could do.¨ I know thats not the right way to think. But it hurt. This isnt the first time that this has happened, but it was the most devestating. Thank you for your words of wisdom... as always, they are exactly what I need. I know that hard times come. That there is always, with out fail, a reason for everything. You just have to have the faith to keep going, even when you may not know what that reason is. To keep trusting in God. To never give up hope. I am just trying not to think... give it all up to the Lord, and keep on truckin´. God knows why. I dont. But I only continue on, and hope that one day things will be better. This brick needs reforming, or maybe just a bit more time to set it... Gods time is not ours.¨ the truth is that this broke my heart. and near broke me as a missionary. But, there is a reason... and I WILL find it. I know that God lives. He breathes and walks, speaks and loves. He gave us his only son. The one and only who could save us from our sins... who could lift us up from the darkness and place us in our fathers arms. It is a gift greater than any you can imagine. His life, his tears, his blood, and his every breath were dedicated unto us. And imperfect people. How do we thank him for such a gift? We believe. We believe in him. We make his death worth it, by saving a soul. Our soul. We have faith in him. We repent of our sins, not only once, but over and over and over again. This is enduring to the end. Repenting every day. Or, in other words, changing. Repentance is change. When we look at our decisions each day... and cry unto our God to forgive us of that which we could have done better... and promise him to do better tomorrow.. this is when we can and will reach that heavenly day, when we will finally receive the happily ever after we have been dreaming of all our lives. Dont let the hard times beat you. Let them strengthen your heart, and your testimony of God.
Mom, you are incredible. I love your beauty, your strength, and your love for all those you care for. Dont ever forget how much I love you. And keep up the great work! lol!
My response to Alecia’s email
Oh my sweet girl,
I am holding you in my arms. I know how devastating that must be for you. Here is some hard to follow wisdom. Turn it all over to the Lord. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Give your companion a hug. And then say: “Thy will be done
I will go wher eyou want me ro go, be what you want me to be, and say what you want me to say. They are in your arms Father. Please direct their paths. I know thou lovest them more than I so please wrap thy loving arms around them.” I know this will be difficult. Do not look on this as your failure. You are a success because you are there loving the people. Remember what I taught you count your successes. You had an amazing family in church. They are progressing. How awesome to be the source that Father used to bring them home. I love you my darling ans you are continually in my heart and prayers. Stay strong!! You are amazing.
Dads Email edited: Anyway, we ¨rescewed¨ five less actives this week... and every single one of them was in church this sunday! That, was my saving grace this week. I felt as if I was wasting Gods time here... until I saw them all there. Each and every one. Some of them that havent gone to church in years before we started working with them. Now, they are working on personal progress, have callings, or are passing the sacrament. Three of them went to the temple this Thursday... and I feel so pleased and joyful about that. And we have yet more to rescue. I love you Dad...
Dont ever forget it! Oh, and I used your phrase the other day, ¨if you dont feel like praying, get down on your knees, and pray until you feel like it.¨ In spanish! ¨Si no quieres orar... arrodillarse in ese momento mismo.. y ora hasta que quieres hacerlo!¨ One of our investigadors was saying he didnt want to pray just to pray.. He wanted to feel like doing it... So, I told him that. :) It just popped out of my mouth... in spanish! When I had never used it before! I had actually forgotten it.. lol!